Whispers in My Head
by djnum4
Summary: John/Todd/Michael slash. John Sheppard wakes up with the last 3yrs erased from his head. He hears Todd and Michael in his head and remembers that they needed help. The Lainteans tell John that Michael and Todd are both dead.
1. Chapter 1

Whispers in My Head ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

John Sheppard wakes up with the last three years of his life erased from his head.  
He hears Todd and Michael in his head and remembers that they needed help.  
The Laintean's tell John that Michael and Todd are both dead. John dosen't believe them at first.  
John keeps hearing Michael and Todd in his head and starts to wonder if he's gone crazy.

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(JOHN'S POV)

"We need you... Please help us..... We're going to die here.... Help us, John Sheppard." I hear Todd's voice in my head.

I open my eyes and sit straight up. Todd and Michael need my help. I try to remember where they are. I can't.  
I look around. I think I'm in a safe room on Atlantis. How did I get here? I can't remember anything, but blurry images. I feel Todd in my head again.

"Help" I hear Todd say.

Tears start falling down my face. Every instinct in me wants to go help them.  
I don't know why I want to help them. They are the enemy.  
I know that s not true anymore. I know I care very much for the both of them. I just can't remember how they went from being my enemies to being someone I would risk all I had for.

The past 3 years are just a blur to me.

I close my eyes. I see Todd and Michael in a cell. I want to be with them. I need them. They need me to help them. I have to go save them.

I start to panic. Why am I feeling this way?

I know that Michael is fatally injured. I can't remember how he got hurt or who hurt him, but I know he will die if I don't get help.  
I think that s why I left; I went to go get help. So why am I here on Atlantis? I know Atlantis would never help them.

Dr. Beckett. Dr. Weir, Rodney, Teyla. and Ronon come in.  
I look up at them from where I'm sitting on the floor.

"I have to find Michael, I have to help him. He's going to die. Please." I cry out to them. They look at me shocked.  
Why shouldn't they be shocked? Michael is our enemy and I want to help him. I'm in love with Michael and Todd. I start laughing. I can't stop myself.  
I look up at the others. They look worried about me.

Dr. Weir comes over to me and kneels in front of me. She looks sad and maybe even a little nervous.

"Michael is dead, John." She tells me softly. I stop laughing. I start shaking my head. Tears fall down my face.  
He can't be dead. I won't believe it. He's not dead.

"No" I yell. Weir bites her lip. She puts her hand to my cheek. I pull away from her. She looks at me worried.

"I'm sorry John." She tells me softly. I shake my head.

"I have to save Todd." I tell her softly. She looks shocked for a moment but recovers quickly. She shakes her head.

"Todd's dead also, John." She tells me softly. I push her away from me and crawl into a corner. She's lying. I know Todd's alive. I can hear him in my head.

I close my eyes and try to pretend I'm anywhere but here. I feel Michael in my head.

"Help me John." I hear Michael say. Teyla comes over and puts her hand on my leg.

"It's alright John. Your home now, you re safe." She tells me.

I can still feel Michael in my Head. He's in so much pain. I pull away from Teyla.

"Stay away from me." I yell at them.

I put my hands to my head scream. I don't know what s real and what s not anymore. 


	2. Chapter 2

(JOHN"S POV)

I'm alone in the safe room. The others left awhile ago. I look up at the observation window. Teyla and Elizabeth are watching me worried.

I look down at the floor. I feel like I'm losing my mind. They keep telling me that Michael and Todd are dead.

I can hear and feel both of them in my head. I know the Lantiens are lying. I think they are. I don't know.

Why can't I remember anything?

I put my hands to my head and growl.

"Keep it together, John." I tell myself. I'm a soldier. I can't break down. I'm trained to deal with stress.

I look back up at the window. Why are they lying to me? Are they lying? Maybe I am crazy. Maybe Todd and Michael really aren't in my head.

I flinch. I can't deal with the thought of them being dead. The others must be lying to me. Todd and Michael can not be dead.

If Todd and Michael aren't dead, then they still need my help.

I start to shake.

I need to help them. The Lantiens won't let me leave. I have to find a way out.

I stand up. I look around and frown.

I don't know where Michael and Todd are. I can't help them if I don't know where to go.

I put my hand on my head.

"Think, John. Think." I tell myself. I have to remember. I can't.

"Grrr... ahhhh... Think!!!" I shout. I start crying again.

I look up at the window. Carson is talking to Elizabeth. I start getting paranoid. Did they erase my memories? They don't want me with Todd and Michael. I bet they are the reason I can't remember. I get angry. They can't do that. Michael and Todd could die.

I scream.

They all look down at me. I wonder if they know where Todd and Michael are.

I hear Todd in my head again.

"John, You have to remember. Please, we need your help." He tells me. I whimper.

"I'm trying. I am. I'm trying." I cry out. I hope he can hear me.

I look back up at the window. They are all looking at me like I'm crazy.

I lean back against the wall and start crying. I slide down to the floor.

"I'm trying." I say softly.

I wrap my arm around my knees and rest my head on them. I try to listen for Michael and Todd. I can't hear them anymore. I can't feel them anymore.

I start to shake. 


End file.
